The Murder On The Excess Express
by Spike Brigadier
Summary: When someone is killed on the fabulous train, it's up to Mario and the Penguin With The Improbably Large Brain to find out who is lying, and who is the killer.
1. Chapter 1

Darkness was falling. The sun was leaving in haste, its bright beams fading away to reveal the moonlights pale yellow glow. Rogueport's buildings were cast in black against this glow, as night arose in the town.

The town seemed desolate, and frail. It seemed like all the life had been sucked out of its very soul. There really wasn't anything visibly problematic in the small town, apart from the usual. It just felt... Dark. Empty.

Cursed.

But our story doesn't take place in this dead town. Rather, it merely starts here, on the northwest side, in the front of a large train, who's black paint shimmered in the pale moonlight, and looked simply regal. And inside of this majestic piece of art, the height of its kind, our story begins.

The train's decor was exquisite. Crimson wallpaper and carpets adorned the insides. The furniture was perfectly finished and cleaned, hand carved out of maple wood. The dining room had a romantic aura hanging, emanating through and in it. The rooms were perfectly arranged, with sheets of white and blankets of blue contrasting the room colors. Currently empty, this moving palace will be the setting of our adventure, starting when the sun rises in the morning.

The darkness began to fade, as the sun began its merry way up to its day job, chasing the night away. The rays it provided began warming and brightening the town, in looks if not vibe. And at the train station, where formerly the area had been blank and visually destitute, it had bloomed in life, with colorful banners and signs, declaring "Ride the Excess Express: The most luxurious ride you'll have ever had!"

These signs were barely noticed by the small line waiting to come aboard the shining train. And this is where we meet our cast of characters to be found in our story.

At the front of the line stood a short, blue penguin. Known as "The Penguin With the Improbably Large Brain," he had a Sherlock Holmes-esque cap atop his head, and a magnifying glass peeking out of his brown satchel that was fastened around his portly waist. This was none other than 'Detective' Pennington, and he was aboard the train, and would play a large part in our story.

Right behind our Southern companion stood a figure almost everyone knew. From the red cap with the 'M', to his blue overalls, to his brown mustache, he looked what was to be expected. Mario will play the starring role in our adventure. But for now, we shall return to our other cast members.

Toodles is our guest third in line. The posh, rich, young Toad girl was ever checking her physical appearance, and winking her eyes flirtatiously at any of the men in the line to board the train. What role might she possibly play in our adventure? Only time will tell...

Fourth in line was a yellow Hawk, with black sunglasses shading his eyes from the sun's piercing rays. A perpetual smirk was present upon his face, and he had a black belt with a gold star ornament on the front. Rawk Hawk was eager to give the upper-class train a ride. The Hawk would play a big role in our story, though not nearly as big as his ego.

Standing behind the large avian was a white Bob-Omb, with a military fur cap perched upon the top of his round body. His gray mustache rivaled Mario's in stature and class, and was clearly one of the elderly Bob-Omb's prize possessions. How big a role will this aged man play? That will be revealed in due time, do not fret.

Our sixth jolly member in line was none other than the famous voyager. The mighty man of bravery and valor! The one who by himself could calm a hurricane-well, we shall stop repeating his self descriptions, as they go on for miles upon miles of the road of the brain. Flavio was here, for better or worse...

Seventh in the line was feeling the heat, complaining to any who would listen about the awful weather. Toadia was finishing her trip around the surrounding countries, and was returning to her hometown. Her green spots upon her cap contrasted brightly in the sun, her 'Luigi is my Hero!' shirt getting her some offbeat looks from passerby's. But Toadia is a key cog in our story, and that can't be denied.

The final person in line was cranky. Zess T. had quite the attitude, no matter who she was addressing, even if her addressee was nothing more than a wall in front of her. But Zess, despite her eccentricities and her attitude, is no slouch when it comes to her role in our story.

What story have I been referring to?

Why, none other than the story of The Murder On The Excess Express!


	2. Chapter 2

"All aboard!" _Weesht!_ The train slowly began to start its engine, as its passengers began climbing aboard. Pennington, boarding first, was assigned room 001. Mario was roomed next to him in room 002, which greatly pleased the famous sleuth, as he could not wait to inform 'Luigi' of his oh-so-many cases he had 'solved' since their last meeting. Mario was, unfortunately, not quite so enthusiastic about this arrangement, but decided he would be able to put up with the overbearing penguin. It was only three days, after all...

The next car that contained passengers was host to three more rooms. The self-centered yellow Hawk made room 003 his not-so-humble abode, while the dignified former military officer took residence in the room adjacent to Rawk's, in room 004. Room 005 and the final room of this specific coach was occupied by the great mystic, the famous high-seas voyager, the true romantic, the one and only Flavio! Needless to say, the other two travelers that lodged in the same coach as Flavio were overjoyed to ride in his vicinity.

The final passenger coach was once again filled with three rooms. Adorning the first room in the car, room 006, was occupied by Toadia, the die-hard Green-Stache fan. Room double-0 seven was filled by the posh young Mushroomer, Toodles, who was rather inclined to ride near Rawk Hawk, as opposed to who she actually was adjacent to. Room 008 contained the cranky cook, Zess T. She was more than ready to give Chef Shimi a piece of her mind as to the quality of his food, which was "abominable", in her own words, even though she had neglected to try it as of yet.

These eight passengers all conglomerated in the dining room after disposing of their luggage in their respective rooms, as with a whistle and another _'Weesht'_, the train began its steady path down the rails to its destination.

"Oh, Mario, darling, it's so nice to see you again! And Rawk, sugar, you are just as handsome as ever, aren't you, Mr. Champion?" Toodles greeted, batting her eye lashes at an unaffected Rawk.

Mario absently returned the pleasantry, and remarked to General White, "It sure has been a long time since we talked, eh sir?"

"Quite true, good man, quite true. It's nice to meet some of your companions on this exquisite locomotive," he replied with a nod. Mario smiled, and surveyed the other five people aboard the train he had not yet greeted. Merry discourse reigned at this meeting, which for some of the eight was a reunion, and for others, a time to meet new friends, while traveling to a famous destination, new to some, home to others.

Unfortunately for one of the eight, their time on the exquisite locomotive would expire before they arrived at that destination. That person would be the victim in The Murder On The Excess Express.

**"Welcome aboard the Excess Express; the finest train you'll ever ride on! Please make yourself at home, and enjoy your stay!"** the intercom buzzed, drowning out the group's chatter for a moment. After a second of silence, Rawk began to open the conversing again.

"So, Gonzales-Mario, I mean, how's life man? I hope it's half as rocking' as mine is!"

"Life's been very good, thanks. Pretty boring, saving the Princess, beating Bowser, saving the world, the usual," Mario laughed. "How's life in the Pit?"

"It's great man, I totally have been RAWKING all those losers there. No one can even stand in the same room as me without bowing down dude," the yellow bird arrogantly espoused, running his eyes around the dining car as he spoke. "Dang, this place is FINE, ain't it!"

General White, who appeared mortified at the boorish display of arrogance by the avian, said nothing after this, and merely observed his seven companions with a smile half-stuck on his face. What ran through the old bombs mind was unknowable, but it was certainly warm, remembering good times with old friends, and looking forward to even better times with new friends.

The killer would change that thought.

"Ooh, so you're Luigi's brother? How does it feel, being the brother of someone so AWESOME?" Toadia exclaimed, clearly not letting her mind work to its fullest capacity at that point. Mario just gave a small smile, and said "I'm getting used to it," before finding someone else to talk to, not wanting to listen to Toadia's endless praises of his brother, founded or not.

"Step away from me, you overweight rambunctious birdbrain!" Zess screeched, when Rawk attempted to introduce himself.

"Sheesh! So loud, and rude! How can she not want to meet me, the Feral Nuclear Reactor?" Rawk's question was answered a second later by Flavio.

"Flavio thinks-" Immediately, Rawk interjected with "You don't think." Flavio gave the annoying avian a glare before continuing.

"As Flavio was saying, maybe you just don't have Flavio's charm, and manliness!" With these bold words, he walked over to Zess.

Slap! "Ouch, why did you do that, Flavio asks?" Zess, the slapper, informed her victim, "I know you! You hang around Podley's all the time, and you're a total creep! Plus you talk in third-person, only mental patients do that!"

Mario, hearing Zess's rant, walked over to her, and made her aware of his person with a "Zess! Are these jerks bothering you?" Rawk and Flavio stared at Mario, not knowing what to say, as Zess smiled, and walking away from their group, the odd pair began chatting merrily.

"Uh... Dude..."

"Flavio is unsure what just happened, but it doesn't change how awesome Flavio is!"

"Put a cork in it, Flabbio."

"Flavio takes offense at that, you large yellow ingrate! Have at that thee!"

As the two arrogant yellow men engaged in a scuffle, the rest of their group watched.

"That's quite disgraceful! Aye, yes. Could they be plotting to kill each other later?"

Toadia rolled her eyes and sighed. "Please, Pennington, just be quiet about all your conspiracy theories! Like, they're so stupid!"

"Alright then, I shall. But don't come crying to me when you're murdered by one of them, and I was right!"

"Really?" the young Toad girl questioned. "You really think that anyone on this train is a murderer?"

The penguin detective adjusted his hat, and merely said "Anything is possible, young one!" Toadia shook her head, and walked off.

Little did the penguin know how true his words had been.

Toodles was irate. She wasn't being payed much attention, and she needed attention, especially from the handsome men aboard the train. But her irritation couldn't last long, as she watched Rawk in the train. My, how incredibly muscular he was... She made her way over to where the rest of the group was, and joined in their conversation. That conversation, however, came to a close, as a voice on the intercom said, **"Breakfast is now being served inside the dining room! Feel free to sit wherever you should so choose inside, and make your order."**

The dining car was now being prepared for breakfast for our eight travelers. The silverware was a very bright silver, the plates exquisite china. The table cloths were a shimmering ruby, and the furniture perfectly finished and polished. The food that was being prepared for their meal smelled heavenly, and they couldn't wait to try the delicacies.

Well, seven of them couldn't. Zess made it clear she would be fixing her own food, and made her way back to her room as the dining room was set up for the early meal. The rest shrugged, and walked over to the tables, with Toadia, General White, and Flavio at one table, and Mario, Pennington, Rawk, and Toodles at another. The group proceeded to wait for the waitress to come, and to discuss the trip.

"Luigi, I must say, it was very nice of you to invite me to come on this trip with you. Hopefully there will be a mystery for me to solve, and you to help with, just like the old days, eh? I do find that smudge on my chair quite suspicious..." How Pennington still didn't know that he had mistakenly swapped the famous Mario brothers around, nobody could say. Not bothering to correct this mistake, Rawk complained, "Dude, what's up with the slow service here? I want my damn eggs!" Mario rolled his eyes at this outburst, as the waitress finally found her way to their table. She, of course, was the waitress Mario had helped the last time he was aboard this train. She had a white cap with a pink heart in the middle, which was unusual for her species. She had purple pigtails for hair, and a pink apron upon her body. She arrived at their table table shortly, order notepad in hand.

"Like, hello, and welcome to the Excess Express Diner-Oh my gosh, it's Mario! And, Rawk Hawk! Oh! Oh my gosh, like, I have to get your autograph, Rawk! And Mario, like, we have to catch up on stuff sometime-"

"Would you shut up and take my order already? I want eggs. I want them sunny side up, with a lot of salt!" Rawk rudely interrupted. The waitress looked at him, and mumbled "Geez, what a rude dude..." as she wrote down his order. Mario ordered a mushroom omelet, Toodles ordered a small sausage and eggs platter, and Pennington attempted to order a fish head.

"Um, like, sir, we don't serve fish heads here. Like, that would be, um, totally nasty!" Pennington looked befuddled, but changed his order to a mushroom omelet akin to Mario's. As the waitress walked away, he remarked, "Well, I find that quite odd, don't you? They don't serve fish heads? Hm... Very suspicious... Perhaps they're hiding something..." At this, Rawk Hawk threw his hands in the air.

"Alright, can you explain to me what the heck is suspicious about that? Nothing, that's what," he said, staring at the penguin. "I mean, seriously dude, shut up about that crap."

"Somebody obviously didn't follow their doctor's orders to take their medications this morning, hmm?" the penguin hotly replied, not backing down from the angry avian. Both were now out of their chairs, and staring each other down. Mario had enough of this ridiculous 'fight' rather quickly.

"Alright, ladies, calm down. Pennington can quit talking about mysteries for a while, and Rawk can stop posturing over everyone in sight, okay?" he directed in a confident tone. The two combatants shrugged and shook hands, sitting back down in their chairs. Toodles giggled, whispering to Mario, "Oh! He's so handsome when he's angry!" Mario had no idea how to respond to this, and began studying the diamond-studded chandelier above him with a determined focus.

The food smelled so delectable. And yet for one of the group, it was the last time they'd ever enjoy breakfast. That person had merely hours to live...


End file.
